What are you doing here????
Seriously.
How did you even find this page?
This is kidclubhouse.com/fruitcups, which is not a page we advertise, promote, discuss publicly, acknowledge privately, or bring up during staff meetings anymore since that fateful day (circa early 2026).
Because, as you may already know…
We do not serve fruit cups.
We have pizza.
We have snacks.
We have drinks.
We have coffee for tired adults who are pretending they are “just here for my kids.”
But fruit cups?
NO.
Absolutely not.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Not during open play.
Not during private rentals.
Not even if your child looks directly into the eyes of a staff member and whispers “fruit cup, please?”
Not NEVER!!! (apologies to my 8th grade English teacher for that one)
Why don’t we serve fruit cups?
Great question.
The official answer is: BECAUSE WE DON’T.
The unofficial answer is locked in a filing cabinet labeled:
FRUIT CUP INCIDENT —– DO NOT OPEN
We cannot legally confirm or deny what happened.
Or maybe didn’t even happen at all.
All we can say is that someone once asked for a fruit cup and… nevermind.
Can I bring my own fruit cup?
You may bring many things into Kid Clubhouse.
Joy.
Laughter.
Socks.
Drama.
Children who have somehow removed their socks.
A coffee you forgot was on top of your car.
But fruit cups?
ABSO-LUTE-LY NOT.
Is this a real menu item?
No. Are you kidding me? Have you learned NOTHING?
This is a website page about a food item we DO NOT SELL.
Which is (admittedly) a weird business strategy.
But here you are reading it… sooo maybe we’re geniuses?
What should I do now?
You have three options:
- Close this page and pretend this never happened.
- Come to Kid Clubhouse and order something like a normal person.
- Tell a staff member “I found the fruit cup page” and watch them become uncomfortable for no reason.
Final Statement from Management
Kid Clubhouse remains committed to providing a fun, clean, safe place for kids to play.
We also remain committed to NOT SERVING FRUIT CUPS.
Unkind Regards,
— The Kid Clubhouse Fruit Cup Department (currently AND PERMANENTLY unstaffed)